…the Envelope, please!

April 16, 2012 By 18 Comments

(shhh, she cleared her voice let’s settle back and read… the Winner is about to be announced!)

Dear fellow Wakefield “Doctriners” ^_^

I believe that this was the toughest and funniest contest I had to ever judge – although it was a first for me. I can tell you this, each and every one of your entries has diverted me exceedingly and each in different, yet completing ways. So before I come to the point, I’d like to congratulate YOU ALL for the quality of your writing and review (big word here…not so much the point).

THE CRITERIA were these:

Good – Fun to read – Clever – ‘How cool was that’… as a (secret) judge I assigned stars (5 max) for each criteria. Then, you got “doctrine points” for each comment & like/Google Share your entry collected because the reader is king/queen and has the last word in my world ^_^.

Roger: db(2)+ 1.5 ml He = db(2) – 1.5 ml Co2 (a dead balloon is a dead balloon)

You wrote a very interesting piece that first brought question marks all around my head (you were not the only one having this effect on me though ^_^)… this is a good thing by the way. As I read on, your tone made me think of the main character in a book that I had just finished and liked a lot (“The History of Love” by Nicole Krauss). So I read with a smile on my face all along… I have looked in my own mind to find the file of my own “particularly fond childhood memories” but I do not think it is placed behind my left ear… I could not say since I have not found it entirely yet – just bits and pieces that I wish were as rich as yours. In short, I smiled – even laughed a bit, agreed with you most of the times as I related and wondered about life – longer than my daily dose… I loved the journey you took me on.

Jennifer: What does “a dead balloon is a dead balloon” have to do with Personality Types? Nothing.

You got me laughing just with your title, which is quite unusual with me. What’s with the fear of clowns? I never understood it! I don’t particularly like them either since they never made me laugh… hmm… well, okay… maybe I do get your point here ^_^. Your entry was filled with the type of humor I am very fond of, so thank you for that and for your great choice of music video as an illustration. I loved that concert by the way!

DS#1: Through the looking glass where a dead balloon is (really just) a dead balloon somewhere over the edge…

I am such a fan of Lewis Carroll’s stories… I was ecstatic when I read your title and read expectantly your entry. I was not disappointed at all… no surprise here… that is brilliant writing, the kind that keeps you on the edge yet not over it. You created vivid images in my mind and your story had dogs in it which got me melting from the start. Thank you for the wonderful reading! I enjoyed every second of it.

Clark: while, ‘a dead balloon is a dead balloon’ the quality that gives life to the (non-dead) balloons is imperishable and therefore hold(s) out hope to all balloons’

Alright Clark… maybe you’ve got the award of the longest title in the history of writing contests ^_^. Your entry puzzled me in a very good way… which means that your intent of being both amusing and wry is reached, no question. Is information really the reality of Clarks? Yes… maybe, depending on how you define information… could philosophy be a type of information? I’d say that in my book at least it could be. I have to admit that I loved this sentence: “A ‘dead balloon’ is to a ‘live balloon’ as clarks are to scotts and rogers”… made me laugh for one and then think… “the space within and between permits life to exist”… interesting train of thought.

Molly: When a Dead Balloon is not just a Dead Balloon

Do you know how I react when I feel something bad or embarrassing is about to happen in a story? I fast forward to make sure that I am heading towards a good ending, and then I go back to the bit I could not read… your modern fairytale had such an impact on me, which is an extremely good thing. The quality of your writing and your storytelling blew my mind Molly. Beyond that, what you said was quite the message too…

The winner of the Doctrine’s First Annual Post-Writing Contest is:

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Our very own Downspring#1 with 28 Doctrine Points for her great

‘Through the looking glass where a dead balloon is (really just) a dead balloon somewhere over the edge…’

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

^_^

*
**
***

/Your Friend of the Doctrine & Secret Judge, Clairepeek

 

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(you can feel the excitement in the air!! relaxing music will now be provided) …and the Nominees are! the Wakefield Doctrine’s First Annual Post-writing Contest, Friday the 13th Edition

April 13, 2012 By 7 Comments

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine ( the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers )

(Hey!  Alex!!  yo  can we borrow some music? )  CLICK ME

So everyone, try to sit back and relax. The secretly Appointed (secret) Judge is poring over ( as opposed to ‘pouring over’ ) (yum, yum!) each and every one of the Posts!
Every Judgmental tool and instrument is being brought to bear; no expense is being spared in this process.  We gots (your) participle accelerator, (your) tonsil and adverb extractors we have even arranged for a very special and private room just in case there are any (‘specially irregular verbs) that need privacy for a conjugated visit. Don’t anyone worry about nothin.

 

The Nominees for Writer of the best/funniest/cleverest/’how-cool-was-that? Post (using ‘a dead balloon is a dead ballon’ in the Title of) are:

 Progenitor roger
One of the original Progenitors, 1/3 of the namesake of ‘the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers’, (the) roger hails from a small end-urban area in a state often referred to as ‘South Central New England’. His rogerian credentials include: ability to play the 12 string guitar without sounding like 2 mandolins having sex, deliberately (and without having to be threatened with a side arm) engaging in the “Pastime” of Civil War Re-enacting and being heard at a formal Dinner Party to reply to the offer of a second serving, “No, thanks, I think I’ll surpass on that!”

db(2)+ 1.5 ml He = db(2) – 1.5 ml Co2 (a dead balloon is a dead balloon)

 

Jennifer Wilson
One of the first of the second generation of people to come to the Doctrine, read and understand it and not say to us, “…if any of you people even think about trying to contact me again, I will have a restraining Order on you faster than you can say, wtf!” Jennifer is sort of the Fay Wray of the Doctrine, particularly in the context of this blog. Being a scottian female, and writing her own little Post ( “…ha, ha, he said Post!”)  Jennifer has a way of presenting the Wakefield Doctrine that is accessible and readable and the rogers, are drawn to it like rabbits trying to swim out of the Great White Shark Exhibit in Sea World.

What does “a dead balloon is a dead balloon” have to do with Personality Types? Nothing.

 

DS#1
…you know how clarks can be overly-rational, too analytical and emotional-devoid giant brains with little feet and long fingers (to type with)? Well, that is why we are fortunate to have DS#1 ’round here. So a clark, yet with a kindness and humanity that says to all the clarks out there, “hey! you can become as welcomed by the scottian people and embraced into the herd anytime you want! Just learn what I know and you won’t even have to shave half of your damn head”

Through the looking glass where a dead balloon is ( really just ) a dead balloon somewhere over the edge.

 

clark

while, ‘a dead balloon is a dead balloon’ the quality that gives life to the (non-dead) balloons is imperishable and therefore hold(s) out hope to all balloons’ 

 

Molly
Molly is, of course, one the ‘new generation’* of people here at the Doctrine and, as such, brings a certain perspective on our efforts that is quite crucial. In fact, this whole Post-writing Contest is kinda all her fault, lol she is the source of the semi-eponymous phrase that comprises the only requirement of  this first Annual Wakefield Doctrine Post-writing Contest!.

When a Dead Balloon is not just a Dead Balloon

So click on them links, Read the Posts then, (and this is very important), come back and Comment on your favorite Post.  The Contest remains open until 12:00 pm midnight.
If you would like to enter the Contest, send us an email to this blog (the Contact button’s on this page, somewhere) or write us a Comment, to the effect: “oh yeah? well read this, bunions!” and do not forget the actual phrase, ‘ a dead balloon is a  dead balloon’ must be in the Title.
Send in your link to your Post and you will be entered to Win! (Grand Prize will be awarded on the basis of Readers Comments and by the (secret) Judge’s decision.) The Winner will be announced on April 17th.

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‘How Many DownSprings does it take to Enter a simple Contest?’ ( and other FAQs) the Wakefield Doctrine ‘splains it all!

April 10, 2012 By 9 Comments

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine ( the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers )

Well, Readers ….Contest Week is here at last! The First Post has (finally!) been submitted for consideration and we are ready for the rest of you Writers to send in your Writifcations!

There has been some confusion as to the Rules of our Post-writing Contest. Let us start by saying,  (that) these Rules and Requirements are meant to enhance your enjoyment, provide a certain consistency and still allow the widest range of artisculated expression. And seeing how,  Steve Jobs is still dead from his recent ‘actual death experience‘ it behooves us to provide you with the following guidance, in the form of the ubiquitous FAQs*

Q) I want to enter your Contest. Is there (are) any limits on how I format my Post. (for) (..the contest)?
 A) No. There are no limits on the length of the Post, they may be as long (or short) as you desire. The only limit is that no Entry written using WingDing type font will allowed.

Q) So I can write about naked animals or flying snakes?!
A) Yes, yes you can. ( In the upcoming biography, ‘Steven Jobs are you serious, this guy was such a roger‘ It is documented that Mr. Jobs secretly purchased Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch and planned to use it as a wildlife refuge for flying snakes)

Q) I have a Post written that is totally wonderful! How do I submit this wonderfully written, (‘what is that perfume you are wearing?’) to the Contest?
A) Good Question (..I’m not wearing any perfume ;} ) Use the Comment section at the bottom of this Post or send us a message at ‘the Facebook’ ( which, as few people know, was invented by Steven Jobs…the project, code named “Your Face and My Pancreas” was sidelined by Steve’s invention of the ‘pancake’).  We will take the link to your site and print the Title of your Post hyperlinked to your site.

Q) So, what you are saying is: you will send all the Readers of this Contest to my own blog?
A) Yes siree!

Q) Anything else I should know about Steve or your stupid Contest?
A) The One Requirement of the Contest is that the actual, written-out phrase:  ’a dead balloon is a dead balloon’ must be a part of the Title of the Post. ( as far as Steve goes we think he was better than da Vinci )

So send in your Entries. The Contest Post will appear on Friday the 13th and we will Post entries until 12 midnight (at night)! The Post will remain up until the (secret) Judge’s Final Decision on the 17th. Good luck! If you are a roger and would rather contact us at ‘the FaceBook’ go here  or  go here!

 

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*contrary to what many of the in-curably rogerian fans of apple and Jobs would have us believe the FAQ has been around well before Jobs invented the Computer ( which was right after he invented the bicycle, the waffle iron and the electrical nose hair remover). To support this contention we cite our friends at ‘the Wikipedia:

“…the FAQ format itself is quite old. For instance, Matthew Hopkins wrote The Discovery of Witches in 1647 as a list of questions and answers, introduced as “Certaine Queries answered”. Many old catechisms are in a question-and-answer (Q&A) format. Summa Theologica, written by Thomas Aquinas in the second half of the 13th century, is a series of common questions about Christianity to which he wrote a series of replies.” ( www.wikipedia.com )

Thats all I could find…

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What do you mean, “you have a good idea but haven’t started yet”? Countdown to the Wakefield Doctrine’s Friday the 13th Post-Writing Contest!

April 8, 2012 By 4 Comments

Hurry the hell up, write the thing and send in your best effort…no one will laugh! I personally guarantee it.1

So look around the house this morning, if there are no apostles or deities sitting at  your breakfast table, then why don’t you just send the kids out to play…do whatever you need to do to the Spouse/Significant Other2 and then get yourself some SABD3 and pick a fight with your blog4

Really, the thing about the Wakefield Doctrine (in general) and this blog (specifically), is that we are all here for the adventure, the entertainment, the challenge and even the self-development that has been a result of our efforts over the last 2 or 3 years that this blog has been on line. Granted the style of presentation is a bit…eclectic, eccentric and otherwise hard to figure out, but isn’t that the way it always goes?
When you look back on your life at the things you have done, all of the varied activities that fill your hours, weren’t most difficult to learn the basic skills? And only after getting past the ‘I don’t get how to do this! It’s not worth the trouble!” moment and committing to learning, then you found the real enjoyment that comes with practice. Hell, think about your friends, your wife/husband, girl/boy friends! I would be comfortable betting that if you remember the time before they became what they are, there were moments that you thought, ‘why the hell am I bothering? this person is a pain-in-ass, demanding and doesn’t make sense way too much‘.
So, yes we are saying that the Wakefield Doctrine is exactly like falling in love with your wife or your husband.  lol

But you’re here! So have some fun and enter the damn Contest!!

Rules Redux:

  • write a Post with the phrase  ’a dead balloon is a dead balloon’ in the Title
  • you can write about anything you want, you do not have to mention balloons or death or any possible qualities that they share in common
  • (if you are entering a Post-writing contest), then you probably have your own blog-like place,  send us a link to where your Post is published
  • write us an email or message us at ‘the FaceBook’ hell, you could even put it all in a Comment!
  • try to include something/anything about yourself that you want to see in the little ‘author blurb’ next to your Post
  • on Friday the 13th, we will do write a Post and it will  List the Titles and Authors (the Titles linked back to your site)
  • we will ask Readers to Comment and even vote!
  • the Winner will be announced on April 17th
  • the Winner will be picked based on the Comments of Readers (on April 13th) and be selected by the (secret) judge.5

All of us here at the Wakefield Doctrine extend to all of you there ( in the “real” world), best/appropriate wishes that the re-birth process that you choose to commemorate at this time of year comes true, at least one more time. However, we suggest that you make this the last year that you decide the symbolic re-birth of your favorite deity is the highest form of spiritual expression. Contrary to what many say, you are not immortal and you should not live your life as if you are, this will only lead to self-centeredness, short-sightedness and a lack of commitment to your acts as you go through your day.

And seeing that this is a time of celebration of re-birth and triumph over death, write us a Comment so that next Easter’s bonnet will have Wakefield Doctrine written on it! How cool will that be!

 

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1) I can say that because I am not only a clark, but I am also the Moderator of Comments here, so don’t worry…there will be no laughing at Contest Entries…

2) yes, including that look do you want to win this thing or not?

3) ask the Progenitor roger

4) totally love (that statement) attributed to Jack White when asked about his approach to song writing, “I just get a guitar and pick a fight with it”

5) the (secret) judge, may or may not be a Friend of the Doctrine but two things will be true: a) they will not be me and 2) they will not be a Contestant in the Contest. (hell, we might even have more than one of them)

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Saturday and the Wakefield Doctrine a theory of personality you can sink your teeth into

April 7, 2012 By 2 Comments

 

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are sitting in a bar in New York reminiscing about home.
“Back in me pub in Glasgow,” brags the Scotsman, “fer every four pints of stout I order, they give me one fer free!”
“In me pub in London,” says the Englishman,”I pay fer two pint’s o’ Guiness and they give me a third one free!”
“That’s nuthin’” says the Irishman, “Im my pub back in Dublin, you walk up to the bar, they give the first pint fer free, the second pint fer free, the third pint fer free — and then they take you upstairs and you have sex for FREE!”
“Is that true?” asks the Scotsman. “Has that really happened to you?”
“Well, no,” says the Irishman, “but it happens to me sister all the time!”

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine!  This thing is so efficacious it’ll make you puke.  No, really!  the Wakefield Doctrine does everything those other personality type idiots claim to be able to do, except that this is the real deal. I wouldn’t lie to you.  Now those other  people who write these Posts, them guys say ‘you got to understand this, and you need to appreciate that…fuck that.  They’re right  and  it will work like they say, but that don’t mean nothin, if you don’t use it right and have fun, whats the point?. But… if you do use it right, you will have the edge on everyone around you right now and everyone you run into later on…unless you find someone who already knows about those Wakefield Doctrine people,  don’t worry about nothing, you won’t, cause they’re probably sitting in front of a computer somewhere indoors.

What the hell good is something if it doesn’t: a) get you more of what you want, b) let you take less of what you don’t want or c) get you laid? Huh? What!

I was such an ugly kid that when I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.

(Rodney Dangerfield)

But you better pay attention…this Doctrine thing is good, you need it and we have it…pretty simple, isn’t it?

Real quick:

  • you see people the way that you do, the way that they are  (for you…)
  • people see you the way that they have to see you, and that’s because of the way they are…
  • the trick is…you are both right
  • the Wakefield Doctrine lets you know how the other person thinks that the world works…maybe the same (as you) and maybe different
  • if you know how they think the world works that gives you an edge over them, ’cause they don’t know that there are other ways to see things…like the leopard can change his spots.
  • …and the best part is, chances are, they don’t know why you know what you know…they think you believe them!

So there ya go. The Wakefield Doctrine. good tool…fun thing to do and a whole world of people who will never see it coming.  Have fun!

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