the Wakefield Doctrine

Back by Self-Induced Demand! 

We did our first ’Advice Column with Ms AKH’  back in January, it was an offshoot  of a Post  (that she wrote about couples).  Like nearly every other Post, it served as a way to present  the Wakefield Doctrine in an everyday context.  Following is the second in this series of Advice Columns,  which we have decided to title: ‘as if I care‘. 
As an added bonus,  we have asked some of our other Progenitors and Downsprings to participate. The advantage (of this) will be to offer the view point of other types (i.e. a clark and a roger).

Question:
Dear Ms. AKH,
I am a sophomore at Fillmore High School, get pretty good grades and am on the track team (high hurdles). There is a girl in my history class who was very nice, very pretty and she even laughed at my jokes. Anyway, I finally worked up my nerve to ask her out. I thought a football game would be the best safe first date. So I asked her on (a) Tuesday and she said yes! I was totally surprised. Anyway I told everyone and even my parents (who I needed to borrow the car from). Everything was perfect but then on Friday before the game Nancy (the girl I asked out) told me that her aunt was sick and that she could not make our date. :( I was very disappointed. But she said next game…Trouble was I did not what to tell my parents (not every day I get to borrow the car). So I went to the game anyway.  On the way from the parking lot, guess who I see? It was Nancy! (With some guy from the wrestling team). Here is my question: She came up to me and said hi and I got nervous that she would remember that she told me she couldn’t make it to the game. I was afraid she would be embarrassed. So I said ‘hi’ and made a couple of jokes and got out of there! Does that make me weird? Does the Wakefield Doctrine have anything to help? 
(PS. After the game I went to the McDonalds where everyone goes and bought 2 meals and sat in my car…I kinda laughed at that).  I really should ask: should I be:  a)worried;  b)scared or  c)planning on going to a monastery
signed: whats wrong with me?

Answer:
JOANNE:    That sounds like something I would do, or feel.  Why should I care how she feels, I’m the one who should be feeling bad, but that’s a roger for you.  It doesn’t make you weird, just a probable roger.

DOWNSPRING#1:    You need to be all three, Mr. ”what’s wrong with me” – worried, scared and plan on going into a monastery. 
You are a young and as yet unaware clark and as such, not only do you have the typical life as a teen issues, you also have the fear typically carried around by clarks.  Here is your new homework assignment:  go to the Wakefield Doctrine and read each page on the 3 forms, clark, scott and roger.  Study, study.  Then read all the other stuff.  Conduct your own “test” and try and identify the object of your desire and her new boyfriend.  If you can start knowing how they “view the world”, how they act in it won’t be such a mystery.  If you had had all this information on that Friday before the game, you would not have been so shocked by seeing Nancy and her wrestling guy.
Now to my actual advice:  get over yourself and your self consciousness.  One day you will learn(hopefully soon) that clarks have an affinity with scotts.  What does this mean? It means that if you grow a set and stop the self indulgence you can confidently “get the girl”.  Ask yourself next time, “what would a scott do?”.

Question:
Dear Ms. AKH. My Husband says he wants a divorce!  He is a good man with a steady job (an engineer), this comes as a total shock.  He has always been quiet, works hard and his only hobby is one of those model airplane clubs.  He goes every Saturday and stands around and flies these scale model airplanes.  But that is all he does.  He is not telling me why he wants this, just says that he ‘needs more from life’.  I read the Wakefield Doctrine blog and I think he is a roger.  But I don’t care about that, I just want my family back (we have a dog but no children, he never wanted children). Help!
signed:  Quietly waiting at home. 

Answer:
MS. AKH: Your husband definitely sounds like a roger.  Especially being an engineer.  (Did you know that (rogers) are the engineers and accountants of the world?  Their perception of the world is one in which everything is ‘quantifiable’,  as if, lol)  They also exhibit “herd-like” tendencies.  That is to say, they do not venture away from others unlike themselves.  Not sure what to make of your spouse’s desire for a divorce.  Perhaps he is a restless roger (unusual but not unheard of) and his seemingly mundane flying of the airplanes is, in fact, not so mundane in his mind.  It may be symbolic of his desire to travel to exotic places.  Break away from the herd as it were.  Rather than being “quiet at home” you should try to ’spice things up’.  Try asking him about where he thinks of going to when he’s flying his planes. Is he flying in circles or is he going somewhere. Hey if he answers the second, surprise him with tickets for a trip  somewhere.  It may just satisfy his desire for needing more from life.  Change the routine of everyday life.  Become more spontaneous.  Shake things up.  I hope this is helpful and remember, don’t sit quietly at home.  Get up off of the couch.  Buy something that will really attract his attention (if you know what I mean).  Put yourself out there girlfriend and re-ignite the flame!  

JOANNE: I’m pretty sure that I would have known something was wrong and would not have been shocked.  I probably would have already started asking him what’s going on.  I would ask him why he wants a divorce and I would probably feel devastated.

Question: 
OK, Ms. “like I care”, tell me how to handle this one.  I started a new job about a month ago.  I am a cashier in a retail environment.  No responsibility other than “checking ” people out.  Here’s the thing.  My previous work history involved some management experience and I can’t help but notice that there are several fellow employees in need of some “guidance” as to their professional comportment.  Do I talk to my immediate managers about the fact that there needs to be some training or rather re-training of some people?  Or, do I try and impart some wisdom to these people myself?  Do I go right to the top and talk to the Store Director?  It bugs the crap out of me to watch anyone embarrass themselves professionally when often all they really need are some “helpful” tips. 
Signed: tight lipped in Telluride. 

Answer:
Downspring#1:   Well, the answer depends. What do you want? Are you concerned with these employees or are you concerned with the store (how it looks to the public). Look at it from the perspective of a roger and a scott, (we will assume, from the tone of your letter that you are a clark).
A roger would do the following: ‘friend-up’ to the employees in question, get to know them, and eventually let them know that he (the roger) has their back.  He would then go to the management and tell then that the employees are letting the company down and kindly offer to help train the people.  As a deal closer he might then get specific as to what some of the employees think of the management.
A scott would go up to the employee (if the scott decided that it mattered) and tell the employee that they need to change their behavior.  Depending on the gender of either the scott or the roger, this advice might be followed by the suggestion: ‘you look like you need a hug’.

JOANNE:  I would first ask them if they want some helpful tips..if they say yes, i would give them.  If they say no, then I would say they don’t care about being embarrassed professionally.  Oops,  I think that’s the scott talking.

There you have it, Issue 2 of ‘..as if I care…’ If you have any questions or Comments, then click on the Title (of this Post) and look at the bottom where it says your Reply here. (Guess what you do next…)

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